owl city

i don’t care how cheesy, sticky, sweet they are… I love Owl City.

this made me happy

i love my boys.

Oct 25 – forever a bad day

For the last couple years, on the anniversary of my mom’s passing, I’ve focused my emotions into a journal entry of sorts, and posted on my site. I’ve found this to be enormously helpful – so I’m at it again in ‘09 – seven years since her passing.

When I was in junior high, I had a paper route. It was an afternoon paper, so I wrapped and delivered the papers after school. On the weekends though, it was a morning paper. I got up early by myself on Saturdays – but Sundays were the best. My mom would get up with me, and drive me around my route in our huge yellow oldsmobile station wagon. I’d sit in the back and toss the papers out the window while she drove from house to house. Afterwards, we’d always go to McDonalds for breakfast. It was our little weekly tradition, and she did it with joy. I swear to you, even then, as a stupid kid in junior high, I knew how special my mom was.

One weekend when I was visiting home from college, my family sat around the dinner table – and I was pissed off about something or other – probably something stupid, that only a selfish college kid would be pissed off about. My mom, however, was excited because she had found a new recipe and cooked something delicious for dinner. She was explaining what was included, and mentioned “Bush’s baked beans”. One of the symptoms of Parkinson’s is slurred speech, and I hadn’t understood what she said. In a fit of frustration, I scowled “what??”, and I immediately saw the pain and tears in my mom’s eyes. No event in my life haunts me more than that one single word I grunted at my mom. Today, I can hardly stand to look at a can of baked beans.

After college, I worked in Menlo Park for about 6 months, and decided to live at home. It seemed to be a perfect situation, I could stay rent-free, and be around during the week to help out my mom with the day-to-day things that were impossible for her. By this time, walking was pretty much out of the question for her, and she used a wheelchair to get around the house. One night, at about 2am, I heard a large crash and yells coming from my mom’s room. I flew in, and found her on the floor in between her bed and the bathroom. She had fallen on her way to the toilet. She was okay – but she wasn’t able to control her bowels and was extremely embarrassed. I picked her up, cleaned up as best I could, and went back to bed. As I stared at the ceiling in bed, unable to fall asleep, the reality of her condition hit me hard. It was the first time I think I knew that Parkinson’s would be the eventual cause of her death – and the only time as an adult that I cried myself to sleep.

It’s been seven years, but the pain is as raw this morning as it ever was. But I think that’s the way its supposed to be – either that or I’m completely messed up.

When people say my 5-year old has my smile, I politely agree – but I know it’s really not mine, it’s my mom’s.

a new kind of fundamentalism

on npr this morning, i heard a report about a battle brewing between the old school/new school atheists. the old schoolers believe there is no god, but strive to understand/respect those who do. the new schoolers, essentially, believe the religious are small-minded idiots who deserve to be openly mocked.

that the new school atheists are bitter, angry, and aggressive is entirely the fault of the religious, who have answered minority view points with the same sour mockery and scorn. i certainly understand the aggression.

but i wonder – to the new-schooler, what is it exactly that is so abhorrent about religious beliefs? is it the beliefs themselves, or the actions and consequences of flawed, misguided believers? My hope is that it’s the latter… because the former would certainly not represent enlightenment, but rather enormous arrogance and cruelty.

happy day

Friday afternoon.
Weekend is near, and so I
write joyful haikus.

My first ever post

Let me begin by saying I’m not a writer.  In fact, upon entering college, I miserably failed the Subject A exam (an analytical writing placement exam students entering any Univ. of CA school must take), causing me to take the remedial writing class my first quarter.  Now that I’ve set the bar appropriately low, I can start my first-ever blog entry.

My husband and brother seem to think that by blogging, my beliefs will be more solid, in a sense.  I wouldn’t say my beliefs are necessarily fluid, but they have been changing over the past few years.  I grew up in a very conservative home within a very conservative southern state.  I sort of adopted these beliefs as my own since it seemed logical to me at the time.  Also, I went with the flow, which was easiest for me.  (I’ve never been someone who loved debating or controversy of any kind.)  Now, as I’m getting older and forming my own opinions, I find that I’m moving from the ‘right’ to the ‘left’.  This shift to the ‘left’ isn’t only influenced by my husband and brother, both of whom I admire and respect, but more so because it seems more logical to me right now.  It makes sense to me what Obama is trying to do as President.  While it may have been too early to award him the Nobel Prize, it makes sense to me why those awarding it thought he deserved it.  He’s trying to establish peace, right?

That said, I won’t always talk about politics.  I’m just not cut out for it.  But, I will write about some political things, because I do have an opinion.  And, what do you know…my husband and brother were right…it’s almost empowering to write something down and publish it.  I feel my beliefs starting to cement in me already.

it’s the why and the who (not the how), stupid

(note – this is by no means an exhaustive study on creation, evolution, or anything of the like. it’s simply a 30-minute exercise that i used to work through my thoughts on the subject. it’s also my hope that my genius of a wife will chime in with her two cents.)

remember when the sun orbited the earth – and christians cried out against anyone who thought otherwise? well, no, of course you don’t, it was in the 16th century… but it happened. copernicus wasn’t popular among the faithful, because he dared question that the earth was the center of the universe.

we’re at it again – this time railing against any theory that doesn’t point to what boils down to magic (god created the universe and all life in 7 days). there’s creationist museums and activists who dedicate their lives to opposing any theory that doesn’t match with a literal interpretation of genesis.

the questions for me are.. why? and who? not why as in “why open a crazy creation museum”, but why as in “why do we exist”. and who as in “who did it” those are the questions that christ answers in my life.

how did god do it? beats the hell out of me. evolution, or something like it, seems to answer at least a small part of the how though, doesn’t it? why should we fight it? to say that god didn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t create life “that” way because it doesn’t fit with your interpretation of the book of genesis is preposterous and tremendously arrogant.

who created me, and why? now those are questions that the bible can answer. lets leave the how to science.

starting over

For the last couple years, I’d been goofing around at my personal site (trapped in la), mostly just ranting about the San Francisco Giants.  As fun as that was, I realized it didn’t really give me the forum to rant & rave about other things I cared about like my family, religion, and politics.  Also, I felt somewhat weird about posting pictures of my kids on a site mostly visited by lonely baseball fans.  Hence, the new site.  So – welcome!

The big news is – I’m hoping to get Sara writing here as well.  And now, here’s Noah to get us started!